(conversations are translated from Swahili)
Previously on 'The Kenya i love'...
Ladycop1: Here's your reference number, don't lose it. You'll need to take that to the Traffic office so they can give you an abstract.
I fold the strip of paper and put it in my back pocket grateful that the first step was done without being asked for a bribe.
Ladycop1: (to Ladycop2 who had finished going through the DVDs but had bought none) Madam, could you write for this young guy (kijana) an abstract.
Ladycop2: Abstract? There are no abstracts here, they got finished.
Ladycop1: Are you sure?
Ladycop2: Yes (walking into the station with her hands in her pockets) I'm sure they got finished.
A short moment of silence follows and i can almost feel them asking me to leave with their eyes. At any moment now I'll be asked to come back the next day which is typical of a Kenyan police station, almost impossible to finish your business on one day even when you are the only person reporting something like i was.
Ladycop2: Maybe we can get one from the next building, i think they have a few.
Ladycop1: I don't think they are open today.
More silence
Ladycop2: Why don't you do this; go into the traffic office and see if that lady in there can help you.
Ok, now when you are asked to 'see if they can help you' the help usually comes after the person who is 'helping' me will go out of his/her way to complete this basic task and will expect a little bit of money as a gesture of thanks for them going to extreme lengths. Knowing this i decided to hold on to a faint hope that bribery will not come into the issue. At least, i wasn't asked to come back tomorrow.
Kevin: Where's her office?
Ladycop2: Walk straight down, take a left and it will be the second door on the right.
Kevin: (still with some Australian in me) What's the number on the door?
Ladycop2: It doesn't have a number it's the second door on the right you won't miss it.
Surely enough i didn't miss it. I walk in to find a plus size lady sitting behind a desk looking rather busy. It's at this point that i realise everyone in the station has a bulging gut, probably more from receiving bribes than from sitting idle which makes you wonder whether the police service has a regular fitness test that they put their officers through...i doubt it.
Kevin: (Trying to interrupt her very important business as politely as possible) Excuse me, the lady at the the front told me to come here to get an abstract.
Ladycop3: (Looking the least bit interested in the business i had at the station) I don't have any at the moment maybe if you come back at 2? (Yes, this was a question, not a statement. The inflection at the end was hard to miss, she clearly wanted a bribe so that she could bother with helping me. I refused to budge.)
Kevin: Fine. There was something i wanted to do in town anyway so I'll come back once I'm done with that.
Ladycop3: (I could swear she was relieved that i was going) Why don't you check on the Internet. You can go to the police website and download and abstract from there.
Wow, she really wanted to help me. Seeing that things were looking up and i was going to check my mail i decided i can spare a few more minutes and download the abstract.
Kevin: So, what's the address for the site?
Ladycop3: I don't know. We usually just send people to get them and they come back with one.
Kevin:........(Yes, i was speechless.)
Ladycop3: Or you just come back at 2pm.
Tired of the entire fiasco i decided to come back later and sure enough i as back at the station at 1:45pm. I
walk in to find a different lady at the reception desk. The police station was still empty.
(...to be continued)
Previously on 'The Kenya i love'...
Ladycop1: Here's your reference number, don't lose it. You'll need to take that to the Traffic office so they can give you an abstract.
I fold the strip of paper and put it in my back pocket grateful that the first step was done without being asked for a bribe.
Ladycop1: (to Ladycop2 who had finished going through the DVDs but had bought none) Madam, could you write for this young guy (kijana) an abstract.
Ladycop2: Abstract? There are no abstracts here, they got finished.
Ladycop1: Are you sure?
Ladycop2: Yes (walking into the station with her hands in her pockets) I'm sure they got finished.
A short moment of silence follows and i can almost feel them asking me to leave with their eyes. At any moment now I'll be asked to come back the next day which is typical of a Kenyan police station, almost impossible to finish your business on one day even when you are the only person reporting something like i was.
Ladycop2: Maybe we can get one from the next building, i think they have a few.
Ladycop1: I don't think they are open today.
More silence
Ladycop2: Why don't you do this; go into the traffic office and see if that lady in there can help you.
Ok, now when you are asked to 'see if they can help you' the help usually comes after the person who is 'helping' me will go out of his/her way to complete this basic task and will expect a little bit of money as a gesture of thanks for them going to extreme lengths. Knowing this i decided to hold on to a faint hope that bribery will not come into the issue. At least, i wasn't asked to come back tomorrow.
Kevin: Where's her office?
Ladycop2: Walk straight down, take a left and it will be the second door on the right.
Kevin: (still with some Australian in me) What's the number on the door?
Ladycop2: It doesn't have a number it's the second door on the right you won't miss it.
Surely enough i didn't miss it. I walk in to find a plus size lady sitting behind a desk looking rather busy. It's at this point that i realise everyone in the station has a bulging gut, probably more from receiving bribes than from sitting idle which makes you wonder whether the police service has a regular fitness test that they put their officers through...i doubt it.
Kevin: (Trying to interrupt her very important business as politely as possible) Excuse me, the lady at the the front told me to come here to get an abstract.
Ladycop3: (Looking the least bit interested in the business i had at the station) I don't have any at the moment maybe if you come back at 2? (Yes, this was a question, not a statement. The inflection at the end was hard to miss, she clearly wanted a bribe so that she could bother with helping me. I refused to budge.)
Kevin: Fine. There was something i wanted to do in town anyway so I'll come back once I'm done with that.
Ladycop3: (I could swear she was relieved that i was going) Why don't you check on the Internet. You can go to the police website and download and abstract from there.
Wow, she really wanted to help me. Seeing that things were looking up and i was going to check my mail i decided i can spare a few more minutes and download the abstract.
Kevin: So, what's the address for the site?
Ladycop3: I don't know. We usually just send people to get them and they come back with one.
Kevin:........(Yes, i was speechless.)
Ladycop3: Or you just come back at 2pm.
Tired of the entire fiasco i decided to come back later and sure enough i as back at the station at 1:45pm. I
walk in to find a different lady at the reception desk. The police station was still empty.
(...to be continued)
