So long, farewell

Today was Gloria's last day in Perth, work won't be the same without her sense of humour and amazing manchester accent. I started off my day at work hoping to get a chance to sit next to her because it was her last day but it seemed everyone else was a step ahead of me. Luckily, she promised she'd move next to me when she changed jobs so i went to sit next to my other good friend Lulu (who has recently developed a mental condition that convinces her she is getting too fat...which is false i think she looks perfect).
I sat down and Lulu wasted no time:
Lulu: Such a user Kev, you walk off looking to sit next to Gloria and come back for the next best thing when you can't get a spot! (You have to understand, Lulu's a bit eccentric and goes crazy over such issues, as the rest of our conversation will show. What's even weirder is the fact that she had suggested i go look for a spot next to Gloria in he first place. ANYWAY...)
Lulu: I told my mum about the glass of water you gave me on Saturday (Saturday was 4 days ago and i still haven't heard the end of the pseudo-cold water i gave her)
Kev: The water was cold! I only added a bit of room-temperature water so it doesn't hurt your teeth when you drink it.
Lulu: Whatever Kev (i love Lulu because she never says these things in bad taste, always playing around.)

I decide to tell Lulu about this article i saw on the news today.
Kev: Guess what i saw on the news today.
Lulu: what?
Kev: Scientists have decided to stop wasting time and have focused their efforts into serious research that will help humanity: they have discovered that women with larger hips are more intelligent.
Lulu: I saw that, i think it's bullshit.
Kev: Apparently having a low waist to hip ratio means the lady is smart and her children will be smart as well.
Lulu: You reckon that's true?
Kev: If it is then we have fucking genius women in Africa.

*****

An hr into the insanely actionless adventure called work, Gloria comes and takes the spot next to me. I am elated.
Kev: Yay! Gloria's here. I'm chuffed.
Gloria: Chuffed?
Kev: Yes, chuffed. Now that you are here we can all be gay.
Gloria: Yeah, let's all get gay.
Lulu:(from my right) Let's all get what?
Kev: Gloria and i are getting gay, wanna join us?
Lulu: You're getting gay? Like happy gay?
Kev: Yes. (to Gloria) Are you gay?
Gloria: Couldn't be gayer. Are you gay?
Kev: Very.
Gloria:(seriously now) No, really, are you gay? (Now this question has been asked of me a bit too often and i am beginning to get worried.)
Kev: I am gay, but i am not homosexual.
Gloria: Good, now that that's cleared up...Let's get gay.

A few minutes after attempting to get a survey Gloria notices my sketch pad in front of me.
Gloria: (taking the pad) Can i draw you something?
Kev: Sure, i'd love that. It can be my souvenir. And then i'll draw a picture for you. (I take her diary as she proceeds to draw a flower in field for me.)

(After some time i have a rough sketch of me with my hand outstretched on her diary)
Gloria: Are you drawing a picture of you holding your penis?
Kev: No. That was my initial thought but i realised i don't have enough paper to work with.
Gloria: (laughing) Maybe you can attach an A3 onto the end and use that.
Kev: (while creating he texture of my hair) There's too much space here for me to fill in.
Gloria: That's what he said!
Kev:(laughing) I think i'll just stop colouring it, besides it's not quantity, it's quality that matters.
Gloria: Is that what you tell all the girls?

(I decide to go get my fav at-work drink, a glass of milk with Milo heaped on top. I come back to sit down only to realise i only have so much time to finish this drawing before we have to leave and go home so i ask Gloria to stir my Milo for me as i finished the drawing)
Gloria: (really giving the Milo a beating) It's cold, it'll never dissolve.
Kev: (taking the milo away) Gosh! Give it here. You have no skills, all it needs is a little gentle prodding.
Gloria and Kev together: That's what she said!(we both laugh)
Gloria: He said that to me and look at me now, a little gentle prodding and i now i'm six weeks pregnant.

At this point Lorely has come to sit next to me after Lulu left. She's the best. A really good friend who is obsessed with rabbits.
Gloria:I don't understand how you drink Milo, i hate the taste of it.
Kev: Are you kidding me? It's the best drink you can have here.
Gloria: It's horrible. It's like beige. If beige was a drink, it would be Milo. Neither here nor there.
(Lorely and I can't handle that, we burst out laughing).

*****

Lorely: I'm gonna go look at Jupiter today.
Kev: Where?
Lorely: At home i have a telescope there. It's the red spot right next to the moon and if you look at it on a clear night you can see that black spot right in front of it. Looks really cool.
Kev: Red spot? I thought Mars was the red planet near the moon.
Gloria: It's Uranus.
Kev: I love Uranus.
Gloria: I love Uranus to.
Lorely: How do you know what it looks like?
Gloria: The wall between the Mens' room and the Ladies has a hole in the wall and i peeked through it. Saw Uranaus.
Kev: There's no hole in the women's toilet, i know coz i've been there.

And it was 8:30pm time to say goodbye to Gloria for the last time. I'll miss the silly conversations i had with her.

As bald as a baby's backside

(I want to dedicate this post to all those similes that i was forced to cram in primary school and have never really got a chance to use them. You know what i am talking about, how many times have you said i ran 'as fast as a cheetah' after you left primary school. The time is now.)

I recently proved that i am as strong as an ox when i went 60 hours without sleep as i put the finishing touches on my uni assignments. I was as busy as a bee between Wednesday 10am and Friday 10pm... well... until Friday 8pm at least, i added the other 2 hours simply because 58hrs awake didn't sound as good as 60 hours awake. Besides trying to break records, i went through several experiences that were worth blogging about.

Firstly, there was my trip to uni at 9:45 am on friday for my 10:00am class. Despite my brain function being as dead as a dodo, i wanted to be punctual. I was sitting next to the window because i had the idea that if i kept my mind busy reading everything in site outside the window i'd be able to stay awake. At the first stop, an elderly man came to sit next to me, little did he know what he was about to experience. 7 minutes into the ride the sleep is as quick as lightning in taking over my body and i begin to slump towards the tempting, cushiony shoulder that awaited me on my left. I manage to get a hold of the situation stop myself only about 1 inch from resting my head on the elderly mans shoulder. I wonder if it would have been easier to explain my predicament if i had actually rested my head on his shoulder and waited for him to wake me up so i could explain myself, than to get so close to him and then suddenly jump upright. I did not bother to think about that at the moment because my attention was grabbed by something particularly interesting outside the window. Out of the corner of my eye i still managed to see the look of shock the old man gave me before i turned away.

I got to class without any further incidents and that's where i learnt that i was supposed to be handing in a paper folio as well. Since i did not have it with me, it meant that i had to act as cunningly as fox by telling my lecturer that i left it at home and that i'd be wiling to go back home and get it to her within the hour. She accepted my excuses (mostly because she's nice not because she's stupid) and i was back at the bus stop: standing so i can make sure i do not fall asleep.

It was here that i met Mandy, my supervisor at work, and we started talking about work issues:

Mandy: When are you coming back to work Kev? You haven't come in for a number of days.
Kev: Yeah, i've been busy trying to put together the final touches to my uni work.
Mandy:(ever polite) and how's that going? Are you almost done?
Kev: Sort of, just realised i had to hand in something i didn't have with me so i'm going back home...

I trail off at that point because i realise i am standing at the bus stop and everyone is staring at me. It appears that my supervisor was never at the bus stop so it seems i had done what was once thought impossible and fallen asleep while standing. I don't blame the other commuters for thinking i was as crazy as loon.

I got home without any further incedent, came back to uni, handed in assignment number 2 and started working on my other 2 assignments, my website and my designed user interface. I hand in my interface in time but the uni computers did not seem to appreciate that my patience was on a leash as short as a hammer. The computers in uni are set so that if you log out, it erases all the work on the desktop. I finished my work and i stood up to stretch my muscles that were as tight as a drum when my leg pulls out the computers power cable hence erasing all my work. I started my touch up again in disgust and painstakingly repeated my work after e-mailing my lecturer to tell him it will be an hr late.

At 8pm i am back home, as hungry as a wolf, after disowning all my friends who had gone on a drinking spree to celebrate the end of second year. This is when i decide that 58 hrs is not enough so i get a pizza and put off sleep for another 2 hours. At 10pm i am as happy as a lark to hit the bed like a sack of rocks and hibernate for 16 hrs. Needless to say i woke up as fresh as a daisy on Saturday.